well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wear drunk well.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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