Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
