Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize