Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
