So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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