At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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