i jhust puked up my retainher.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
