ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
