She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
