the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
