you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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