The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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