whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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