i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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