she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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