Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
