I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm drive I can fine osifer
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
