strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
