Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
