it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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