I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize