Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
