Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
