it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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