apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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