somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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