I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Pants are for mortals
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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