So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
