I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
