Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
