He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
