You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
