I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sober January is a disaster.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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