apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
