Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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