all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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