I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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