I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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