Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize