Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
