Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
