im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
