listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
