no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
