i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize