Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I pour the whiskey from now on
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
