You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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