Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
