I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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