Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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