i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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