So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
