At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
