Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
