I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize