So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
