I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
