I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
