dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
