Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
