Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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