You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize