The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
