If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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