good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
