I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
