Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
