K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
