Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
