Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
