I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
