Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no, he came in my armpit
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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