Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
