dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
