two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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