Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
where are my pants?
in the oven.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
