This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
