I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
