maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
