If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
